fire safety

For reasons known only to the quiet voice in my head, I want to set fire to a chair.

Well okay, for the chair film if you must know.

So I rang the Fire Safety Officer at the local Fire Station. Unaccustomed to giving advice about how to set fire to things he wasn't much help. He suggested petroleum jelly, which, after several experiments, I found entirely incombustible. I shall have to try other flammable substances, paraffin would be good I feel though it's a bugger to get hold of these days. The thing is, you see, I don't want a conflagration - a ball of flame - I want a burning chair.

Well I shall venture out into the dark night and play with matches, er, I mean: experiment. All scientific and safe, white coats goggles and welding gloves - and matches mwah hah hah hah...

Here's what it looks like before the inferno: